If you are one of those relics who thinks diamonds belong only on jewelry, you need to step into the 21st century. Once relegated only to engagement rings, rappers’ necklaces, and the watches of the uber wealthy, diamonds now have a whole new frontier. Ice and bling have become increasingly ubiquitous, popping up on the oddest and most unexpected of objects. Nowadays, it seems no item is too mundane, no knickknack too bizarre to warrant an ostentatious diamond adornment. If you don’t believe us, we have proof. We’ve searched high and low to compile a best-of list to propagate our firm belief that diamonds belong on just about everything. And, no, of course we’re not biased. Conflict of interest, what? Here is our list of the most absurd diamond-studded items known to man…or at least Google.
Ice Your Mice
Have you ever looked down at your computer mouse and thought, “What a perfect place to plaster priceless gems!”? Well, you are not the only one. A Swiss manufacturer of custom computer mice now offers “The World’s Most Expensive Computer Mouse,” a diamond-studded jubilee of prestige that will run you about $25,000. If you think a diamond-studded mouse just doesn’t adequately convey the message of how wealthy and important you are, add the optional white gold trim for that extra oomph. So, come on, take your self-indulgence to new heights and ice your mice.
Pricy Pastry
Diamonds used to be forever, but now they are for dinner. Apparently, the hot new bridal trend is to toss a little icing on your wedding cake, and not the frosting kind. Several years ago, the world’s most expensive wedding cake debuted in Beverly Hills and boasted a price tag of $20 million. Decorated with oodles of priceless diamonds, the confection was the star of the Luxury Brands Bridal Show on Rodeo Drive. Bad news for people who only endure weddings for the cake, though: this pricy pastry was tragically inedible.
A Monument to the Macabre
No serious art connoisseur could call his collection complete without a good piece of skull art. If you feel your collection is lacking that perfect blend of the gothic and opulent, consider buying artist Damien Hurst’s new piece - a life-size platinum skull adorned with 8,601 diamonds. For the bargain price of $100 million, you can have your very own diamond-encrusted monument to the macabre. Fittingly, Damien’s skull masterpiece is entitled “For the Love of God.” Our thoughts exactly, Damien.
Blingin’ Buds
Do you ever find yourself in the company of insipid billionaires and wish you could block out their bombastic yakking and still look good doing it? We have the perfect solution to this oh-so-common problem. Casa-Gi has designed a $5,253 pair of earbuds encrusted with 59 diamonds on each bud and gilded with an 18-carat gold coating. If you’re going to rock these buds on the streets among the commoners, though, you might also want to hang a sign around your neck that says “rob me” just to clear up any ambiguity on that matter.
A Nokia You Might Actually Want
If you have $1,800 just a-burnin’ a hole in your pocket, you should look into the Nokia Arte - Diamond Edition. The phone comes complete with 24-carat gold accents and five resplendent white diamonds embedded on the back. Oh, yeah, it’s also a real functioning cell phone with a 3-megapixel camera and 1 GB of storage, but like that matters. As an added bonus, if you stand in just the right sunlight while you’re chatting, you can blind people with it on the streets.
Pimp Your PSP
We don’t know about you, but we are sick and tired of playing our handheld gaming system and not looking pretentious and pampered while doing it. It’s time to step up the garishness of that PSP. In a 2005 PSP fashion show, attended by the likes of the Duff sisters and Nicole Richie (the latter was on some kind of work release), Sony unveiled a PSP dipped in gold and studded with diamonds. The case is pure gold and encrusted with seven carats of yellow and black diamonds on the front and back. Given that Nicole has a tendency to get caught driving the wrong way on the freeway, we’re a tad incredulous of her ability to even power on a PSP, but perhaps she mistook it for a large cell phone.
Deaf Is the New Prada
Ever wished you could turn your hearing impairment into a super chic status symbol? Thanks to the 24-carat gold Widex hearing aid, your wish has been granted. The hearing aid and its accompanying remote hold 220 diamonds and are a steal at $49,590. The only catch is you may on occasion want to remove the aid to make the merciless mockery you’ll endure inaudible. But you will, of course, have the ultimate rejoinder to silence any hecklers: “Well, I may be deaf and cloyingly pretentious, but you’re poor.” What?
Passionate about Playstation?
Diamond-encrusted crucifixes and iced-out first names of homies who were shot down in the hood have been staples around the necks of the ghetto fabulous for centuries. But someone took this situation up to a whole ‘nother level, dwag. Believe it or not, a chain with a black-diamond-festooned Playstation controller actually exists. The controller is made of 18k solid white gold and is adorned with 68.34 carats of shimmering black diamonds. When you risk scoliosis and require a neck brace to support the crushing weight of a video game controller hanging off of you, I guess that’s when you’re a true player, as it were.
Haughty Hot Wheels
If you are a very rich man with a Peter Pan complex and a Hot Wheels fetish, you are in such luck, my friend. Last October, Mattel displayed a one-of-a-kind diamond-encrusted Hot Wheels replica of a Dodge Charger at Petersen Automotive Museum. The car’s body is composed of 18k gold and has $140,000 worth of white diamonds, colored diamonds, and rubies (as taillights) adorning it. Even better, this nauseating display of excess was actually for a good cause-the mini car was auctioned off to benefit the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Los Angeles.
Flamboyant Flatiron
You’re an obscenely wealthy heiress and you have two problems: an obsessive need to have razor-straight tresses (read: extensions) all the time and to be better than everyone else. In that case, the Selfridges diamond-encrusted flatiron can solve both of your mightily vexing problems in one fell swoop. This straightener is made of 18k yellow and white gold and is adorned with six Dutch Crown Rose-Cut diamonds. Oh, yes, conceit and chic all in one tiny hair-taming machine. Now THAT is hot.
Diamonds Are a Dog’s Best Friend
Do you get the sneaking suspicion that your dog is racked with envy when you’re listening to your iPod? Does she seem to steal furtive, jealous glances at your sundry ice-encrusted trinkets? Don’t torment the poor animal another second-buy your dog the new diamond-studded pet MP3 player. For only $1,000, your beloved canine can groove to the sounds of an 18k gold digital music player designed to “relax and stimulate” your pet. After all, why should you be the only one in the house who gets to rock out to Soulja Boy beats?! However, when you come home and find your dog on her hind legs jockin’ on them haterz and leanin’ to the left and crankin’ dat thang, we can’t be held responsible, disquieting as that sight may be.
Lavish Laptops
A Dutch company, Ego, recently introduced the Tulip Ego Diamond iBook, retailing at $350,000. The computer has 470 flawless diamonds fashioned in the shape of a tulip on the laptop’s lid. Sadly, you’re basically only paying for the diamonds with the $350 K because this notebook has little else to offer. It comes with a single-core AMD Turion processor (please!) and an unimpressive 12.1-inch screen. So, yeah, you might as well just save yourself some money and gluestick a few diamonds to one of those plastic V-tech Learning toy laptops. The V-tech’s computing capacity is comparable, if not superior…the Diamond iBook can’t even teach you barnyard animal sounds.
Shiny Shuffle
The Diamond iPod, handmade by Norwegian jeweler Thomas Heyerdahl, was auctioned off for charity in March of 2008. The gadget’s estimated worth is $30,000. The music player is an iPod shuffle, decked out in 18k white and pink gold and a modest 430 diamonds. Acclaimed as the world’s most expensive MP3 player, the diamond iPod is the only one made of its kind. Given that the Shuffle holds about 11 songs, one would hope to get more bang for 30,000 bucks. One Britney Spears album and you’ve pretty much exhausted your $30,000 gadget’s capabilities.
